Funny Valentine vs. Rick Sanchez
Funny Valentine vs. Rick Sanchez 'is a What If? episode of Death Battle. Description ''JoJo's Bizarre Adventure vs. Rick and Morty! These two universe-hoppers are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve their goals! Will the Stand-using president lead his nation to supremacy, or can the smartest man in the multiverse best him? Intro Wiz: The multiverse... the concept of infinite realities and infinite possibilities has fascinated us for a long time. '''Boomstick: And these two can explore it as they please! Like Funny Valentine, 23rd president of the United States from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Steel Ball Run! Wiz: And Rick Sanchez, the sociopathic genius scientist from Rick and Morty! Boomstick: He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills, and find out who would win a Death Battle! Funny Valentine Wiz: Born on September 20, 1847, Funny Valentine was originally a rather normal child. Boomstick: However, this changed when he heard the story of how his father, a soldier, had been captured and endured brutal torture at the hands of the enemy. Eventually, the man even commited suicide in order to stop himself from talking. Wiz: Valentine's father left him with one keepsake: a handkerchief with his son's birthday written on it. Having lost an eye during his interrogations, he had kept it hidden in his eye socket. Boomstick: Damn, that's hardcore! And young Valentine agreed, as this story instilled the virtue of patriotism within his heart. Wiz: Indeed, Valentine's love for his country led him to fight in the American Civil War. However, during a mission, his company got lost in a desert. Although most of his brothers in arms perished, Valentine just so happened to collapse onto a spot where the preserved heart of a saint was buried. Boomstick: Turns out that you can use the sacred relics known as the Corpse Parts to gain special powers. In Funny Valentine's case, he obtained the Stand ability, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap! Wiz: Since that's a mouthful, it's often referred to as D4C for short. Boomstick (singing): Dirty deeds! Done dirt cheap! Wiz: And due to copyright issues, it's also referred to by a different name in certain English localizations. Boomstick (singing): Filthy acts! At a reasonable price! Boomstick: This Stand ability may look silly with its rabbit ears, but it's actually one of the most powerful known Stands. That's because it grants its user the ability to travel between alternate universes! Wiz: By being pressed between two objects, Valentine can transport himself and anything he desires to other worlds. His favorite tool for this purpose is his American flag: by draping it over himself, he becomes pressed between the flag and the ground, allowing the ability to activate. Boomstick: There are many combat applications to this ability. For example, he can call upon copies of himself from another world to help him and overwhelm his foes with sheer numbers. Wiz: If Valentine is mortally injured, he can even transfer his will and Stand to one of these copies, making him effectively immortal as long as he's able to keep hopping between bodies. Boomstick: But the most powerful way to use this power is by exploiting one of the basic laws of his world: you can't meet yourself. Wiz: Although D4C makes him immune to this effect, anything brought too close to its equivalent from another world will be annihilated in a gruesome way (Cue: Funny Valentine's Great Heat Attack from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: All Star Battle) Boomstick: This means that by dragging his foe's alternate universe self next to them, or vice-versa, he can instantly destroy them with no possibility of survival! Wiz: And that's without getting into D4C's physical prowess. Although it is far from the most powerful Stand, it is still stronger than any human being, being able to keep up with Diego Brando. Boomstick: This Diego guy was infected by a virus called Scary Monsters which, combined with the power of another Holy Corpse Part, grants him the power and speed of a Utahraptor. It's also strong enough to dismember people or punch a hole through their chest! Wiz: As for Valentine himself, he is a rather average human physically. Although he started off looking rather overweight, he somehow became a much fitter, taller, and more muscular man in a very short span of time. Boomstick: How'd he do that? Did he use that one weird trick those online ads keep telling me about? Wiz: Please tell me you haven't been clicking weird links on the internet... Anyway, it's never clarified how he managed to improve his physique this way, but theories range from a simple retcon to him swapping places with a fitter version of himself using his aforementioned D4C. While he may not be the most powerful person physically, it's a whole other story when we're talking about mental strength. Valentine is determined, cunning, and extremely charismatic. Boomstick: How charismatic, you ask? He's a smooth enough talker to kill Johnny Joestar's best friend, Gyro, then later in the same day convince the mourning Johnny that this murder was justified. Wiz: These traits allowed him to become the 23rd president of the United States with a staggering 91% approval rating. Boomstick: He then used his influence to organize the Steel Ball Run, a horseback race from the West coast to the East coast of the U.S.A. What he didn't tell anyone, however, is that this race is actually a ploy to gather the remaining Corpse Parts which, when combined, form one of the most powerful abilities of all: Love Train. Wiz: Love Train is hard to explain, but it basically creates a dimensional barrier which filters out bad luck while letting only good luck pass through. Valentine believes that happiness is a zero-sum game: every good action is accompanied by an equally bad reaction. By using this power, Valentine can ensure that he is never the victim of one of these negative results. Boomstick: For example, if you try shooting him, he'll miraculously end up unharmed while some rando on the other side of the world suffers a misfortune in his place. If only I had a way to escape responsibilities like that... Wiz: Another effect of Love Train is that any injury his enemies receive become fatal. If you get even a slight scratch on your finger, the wound will move around your body, with lethal results if it ends up on your heart. Valentine's plan was to use Love Train to surround the whole United States, ensuring that his people would have only good luck and would be able to thrive, while the rest of the world would suffer in their place. A beautiful idea for someone as madly patriotic as Funny Valentine, but abhorrent for anyone outside the nation. Boomstick: The only question is: how do you defeat someone with such a powerful ability? Only an attack powerful enough to break through a dimensional barrier can defeat Valentine when this ability is active. Wiz: One example of such an attack would be a shot imbued with the power of the Super Spin. Super Spin is an energy produced by the Golden Spiral, a spiral based on the Golden Rectangle, whose proportions are equal to the Golden Ratio of 16:9. Boomstick: That's a lot of gold... basically, the idea is that since a perfect spiral is infinite, the energy of an attack imbued with the Super Spin would also be infinite. Wiz: The most reliable way to attain the Super Spin is by using a horse. When a horse is galloping at its most natural pace, its legs trace a golden spiral, creating Super Spin which is passed onto the rider through the stirrups, allowing them to launch a Super Spin-imbued attack. However, this process is extremely difficult to achieve, as one must have a strong bond with their horse as well as perfect conditions such as health and terrain. Boomstick: I had an aunt who had a strong bond with her horse. Wanna know how she died? Wiz: ...No thanks, I'll pass. Boomstick: She died from old age. What, did you think I was going to say something gross? Wiz: Anyway, Valentine's powerful Stand combined with his ruthless determination to succeed at all costs make him a fearsome adversary. Valentine: My heart and actions are utterly unclouded... They are all those of JUSTICE! Rick Sanchez Wiz: Rick Sanchez is known to be the smartest man in the multiverse. Boomstick: Not much is known of his backstory. Apparently, his original wife and daughter were killed by an alternate version of himself after he refused to build an interdimensional transporter, leading him to finally create the device in order to travel to another world and find a replacement, but turns out that sob-story was probably made up entirely in order to trick an agent of the Galactic Federation. Wiz: On top of this, much of Rick's personality is left ambiguous. He often seems to be cold, emotionless, and driven by a belief that the ends justify the means, but at the same time it's heavily implied that his detachment from his loved ones is just a facade and that he truly does care about them. Boomstick: What we do know is that he has a shit-ton of freakin' awesome gadgets, the most important of which is the Portal Gun. Wiz: The Portal Gun is a small, battery-operated device which can create a gateway to any point in the multiverse. He does need the proper coordinates to do so, but this device allows Rick to access the infinite possible worlds. Pre-Battle Death Battle Results Category:'Anti-Hero vs. Villain' Themed Death Battles Category:"Male vs Male" Themed Death Battles Category:'East vs West' themed Death Battles Category:'Anime/Manga vs TV Shows' themed Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:Zuxtron